Thank you all for your sweet check ins last week. All the parts of my body are working just as they were before the accident, including being way more alert on my bicycle.
So we carry on to the next lesson - Fault, Blame, and the stories we tell ourselves to reinforce it.
In the first few hours after the accident, I was really blaming the driver and all the ways it was her fault. The next morning, I woke up with dread realization and a certainty that there was a stop sign at that intersection. I must have run a stop sign. My energy completely shifted towards blaming myself and the levels of embarrassment and shame for having made such an error. Especially for somebody that teaches adult bicycle safety. How could I really justify such a mistake?
Later that night, I drove by the intersection and saw that there actually wasn't a stop sign there. My blame shifted towards the city infrastructure, or the lack of training within our society about how to drive a car and ride a bike on the same road.
And then I thought to myself, well, I was miraculously ok - nothing was physically broken from the collision - do I blame god? Do I thank fate? Do I credit the driver, or the way the city controlled the speed on that particular road, or do I self congratulate my nimbleness?! It is so normal to seek meaning in crisis or post shock.
The opportunities for blame and finger pointing are endless, as they are in work, collaboration, relationships, and throughout life. And it's been an active part of retraining my brain to shift my focus to see what is actually important to me. Towards gratitude for the outcome of that particular interaction, being receptive for the learnings that come from it, for all of your love and kindness, and for the opportunity to connect with the driver and have a meaningful and loving exchange of regret and care. Just to name a few.
There is always the opportunity to name the truth about what is happening and take responsibility for the ways that I am or I'm not showing up for it. In a little (or big) collision/conflict that is unfolding in your life, how do you want to show up with the most truth and the most care?